Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Beautician and the Beast: A Classic Review

A case of mistaken identity brings New York City night school teacher / beautician, Joy Miller, to the tiny (fictional) European country of Slovetzia to tutor the president's children. Once the president's right hand man discovers she is by no means a science teacher, they decide it's best if she plays along and teaches the kids other "things." Who'll know the difference, right?

Well, the kids get lessons like cornrows, how to match your shoes to your purse, understanding airmiles, and skincare - "Wear your sunscreen! Remember... rays today, raisins tomorrow!" (As well as Joy's own valuable cooky life lessons.)

This movie was a total flop... with USA Today saying that "listening to Fran Drescher's nasal squawk for an entire movie is the price you'll pay to see The Beautician and the Beast. Imagine having your ear canal scoured with Brillo. Only more abrasive."

Guess what, Cin-Obs? It's one of our favies. And let me tell you why.

The Beautician and the Beast is a modern retelling of SEVERAL classics, including The Sound of Music, The King and I, Beauty and the Beast, and even a little slice of Evita.

Timothy Dalton plays President Boris Pochenko, a super sexy and tough fascist leader (ooh what a turn-on) who is as strict with his kids as he is with his country's policies. And guess who's there to turn it all around and expose the soft spot in Pochenko's heart? JOY MILLER! Awwww...

This movie's got some great one-liners, and the smooth, easy plot makes for a great chick flick with no super harsh conflict. Great for when your brain just wants to take it easy.

Take a gander at this very intense political speech given by Pochenko... and Joy Miller fulfilling one of my fantasies... Evita style.

Now let's have a quick look at Joy's first encounter with Pochenko's children, and a little Slovetzian breakfast. Mmmm...

So if you haven't seen this movie beacuse you think you're too cool for something critics hated, we beg you to give it a try. It's not Oscar worthy, duh, but it's a little piece of easy-going cinematical enjoyment. We're also putting on our psychic hats and saying this movie will soon be classified as a cult favourite. We've encounted enough people who loved it, despite the crap reviews, to accurately say the cult following will come in time.

Plus there's something about Timothy Dalton's moustache that makes us weak in the knees. And the accent... ooooh yes sir, Mr. President.

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