Monday, July 26, 2010

My Inter-Species Crushes (not as bad as it sounds)

I first realized I could totally crush on non-humans when I saw Hellboy (2004). This is also when I first wondered about my mental stability. After enough time spent on the net (I'm so cool) I realized I wasn't alone in thinking that the big red buff dude from hell was fully sexy.

For real, come on. Those bulging arms, defined 8-pack, his sexy-rexy trenchcoat, that baritone voice, the sharp wit... he was totally designed to make dudes go "YAH HE'S SO EFFIN' MACHO!" and women tingle.

Reasons to date him: Rockin' bod, protection from dark forces, the chance to meet Abe Sapien

Next up we have Jake Sully. And I ain't talkin' Sam Worthington. I could give two shits about him. He bores me. Now Avatar-Jake is another story. He's tall, sleek, agile, and yum. I never thought a shade of blue would turn me on... but hey - it happened. I've watched this movie ten bazillion times, and each time I start appreciating his skin colour a bit more, wishing I had my own blue Jake to connect hair braids with. Oooh oooh when he's got all the war paint on? Yeah. Me likey.

Reasons to date him: going for rides through the Hallelujah mountains on flying lizard things, awesome cocoon bed snuggling

My next choice brings me back from way out on that limb. Spock. Wowza. New Spock, not Spock Prime, or original Nimoy Spock. Some Zachary Quinto Spock is what I'm talkin' about. Those pointy intense eyebrows, those brewing logical eyes that say "I hardly feel any emotions, baby," those pointy ears that are just exotic enough to make you go "Oh he may look human, but he ain't." OK he's half, but that's ok. I don't discriminate.

Reasons to date him: having a talking encyclopedia with you, someone to do math for me when needed, would be faithful because infidelity is illogical

Next up - Deacon Frost. Another bad boy. Of course I had to include a vamp in this list. But I ain't your average Cullen-lover. This mofo isn't gonna caress you softly in a field of daisies and shit. Oh no. He means business, and so do I. That pale skin, that lust for... power, I was gonna say power.

Not only does he have that bad boy charm, but he's an entrepreneur. See? Brains matter too.

Reasons to date him: awesome parties, he has ambition, I will always look tanned next to him

My next choice is also from Star Trek (2009), but this time I went for the bad boy. Nero. Oh boy oh boy, I likey me some villain aliens as well. You may be vengeful and into committing mass murder of planets, but hey - it's all because your pregnant wife was killed and you're just so angry. It comes from a loving place, I know it does. Deep down in your Romulan heart, you're just so devastated about losing your family that you have to go create black holes and kill people and shit. It's really quite sweet.

Your dark skin patterns, the sultry/angry eyes, your bald head, pointy ears (again), your raspy voice... mmm... you're a wild one, Nero. But I could tame you.... yes I could tame you.

Reasons to date him: most badass ship in the universe, cares about family


Do you have any alien/non-human crushes?

1 comment:

Me-and-I said...

Awesome blog! I have to agree with you on the Avatar-Jake thing!! yum.