Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Dear Matthew McConaughey...

Hey there. What's up? I hope you and your supermodel wife and ridiculously cute son are doing well. Don't you have another kid now? I'm not sure, but have fun with that.

Matthew, I have a beef with you, so let's get down to it.

I like you, Matt. I really do. It started long long ago, in a little place called Ottawa. That's in Canada... the polar opposite of the place you come from. Texas? Too lazy to Google. Anyways, my daddy took 13 year-old me to the $2 theatre. I appologize right away for the fact that my first cinematic viewing of one of your films was at a discount cinema. Whatever, at least I saw it.

The film? U-571. It was the only option at the cheap-show (as we called it) and I had never heard of it (sorry again) but it was cheap, so we went. Now, a normal 13 year-old girl has no interest in WWII movies, submarines, and explosions. But I wasn't no regular girl. I was a blossoming Cin-Ob, and I appreciated every moment of this film. I returned to see it 3 more times before it left the cinema.

Mmmm you were all sweaty, with a buzzcut, and all military-like and sexy. You were macho. Manly. Authoritative. Brave. Intelligent. I liked you lots. Also the other crew members in the film, but I won't get off track. I was impressed by YOU, and couldn't wait for more.

I begged for a ride to the video rental place (VHS at the time) and picked up some selected material from your resumé. I chose well. I introduced myself to Contact (1997) - oooh you were desirable as hell in that one... super smart, deep, intellectual, and you banged Jodie Foster, who ain't exactly a supermodel. You were sensitive, and attainable. And your performance was genuine and profound.

Then I picked up EdTV (1999) - Oh, a comedy. How nice. Loved the concept, loved Jenna Elfman as your love interest, love your character's emotional journey to finding the important things in life. Nice work.

A Time to Kill (1996) - oooh a little dramatic for a 13 year old, but I loved your glasses, your accent, your lawyerin' skills, your ability to stand up for what's right through adversity, and your relationship with Sandra Bullock. My respect for you had doubled.

Then I rented The Newton Boys (1998) and must have watched it a billion times. Not only did I get to look at you in super hot 20s looking suits and hats, but I also got some teen satisfaction with the appearance of Skeet Ulrich and Ethan Hawke. This movie was adventurous, funny, and your acting was great. Kudos. I'm loving you a lot at this point.

In Reign of Fire (2002) you were also macho, covered in facial hair, dirty, battling dragons. Cool. Fantastical...Actiony... Epic... Great.

Then something happened, Matt. I don't quite know what it is. At first I went along on this journey of yours, but I'm getting lost and I want you back to the way you were.

I must point out the difference on this chart between my enjoyment of the films as stand-alone pieces of entertainment, and my respect for you, Mr. McConaughey.

With each rom-com (that I sometimes enjoy) I roll my eyes that you've pumped out yet another one. It's just getting to be too much for me to continue our celebrity-normal person love affair.

So my request is this - give Rom-Coms a break. I've enjoyed them, but I would like to simultaneously enjoy your films and earn respect for you as an actor. Just like I once did. I'm nostalgic for the days when professing my love for you wasn't an embarassing proclomation. I am growing weary of defending you.

You can act - as your early filmogrophy shows us - so please, show the world that you deserve their loyal cinema-going patronage. Show them what you're really capable of. Because I know it's there. I remember it. That spark. Under the pot-smoking, under the bizarre movies about surfing, under the bongo playing, under the shirtless jogging, under the rom-com nightmares (to most), there's an actor. An ACTOR.

Yours most sincerely,
A fan waiting to be reborn,



Mrs. Kanatzar said...

I LOVE this post and agree 100 percent!!

KeLLy aNN said...

You've got my vote!

Jen said...

This gave me quite a few giggles. Although I won't lie, I am a fan of Wedding Planner.

Dawn said...

I agree, he's much better than that! And I also agree with Jen - the Wedding Planner was great fun. Love the dance sequence with him and J-Lo! Keep up the goodwork girls! We'll be right here waiting!!! Lots of love x

Angie said...

Jen and Dawn, don't get me wrong. Notice I enjoyed all the movies, it's the shame-factor that comes with liking his movies nowadays. I want him to gain mainstream respect again, LOL!

Jen said...

Makes sense..
I never seen We are Marshal, so not sure if that movie helped.