Thursday, September 9, 2010

How The Cin-Obs Will Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

In bids to win tickets to Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D tonight in Ottawa, the Cin-Obs submitted their ideas about how they would survive the zombie apocalypse. Because everyone knows it's an eventuality...

Shannon says:

I will just use my knowledge learned from the Ministry of Revenue: Duck and Cover.

Ian Says:

I will survive the zombie apocalypse with the following supplies:

- two short, but really sharp, swords

- shotgun (I like to keep it handy for close encounters)

- water

- reese peanut butter cups

- I guess some real food would come in handy too

- one shot dueling pistol (in case shit goes wrong)

With my kit, and dressed like a dude from a post apocalyptic movie like Mad Max or Denzel in the Book of Eli, I will wander the globe (or at least the western hemisphere, I don't fancy boating across the Atlantic by myself), avoiding all major cities and possibly driving a death proof 1970 black Chevy Nova, helping random people on the way and laying waste to any zombies that got too close.

JRL says:

Two words:


Designed much like the common garden “Weed-wacker”, the Zombiewacker is proficient of slicing threw thick and heavy resistance with ease. Rotating at twelve-thousand RPMs, the Zombiewacker is capable of thrashing upwards of seven thousand zombies per minute. Twenty-four thousand pounds of torque, combined with one hundred twenty eight feet of high grade steel cable wire, prove too powerful for almost anything within its sixteen foot radius. Killing zombies is of little effort for this menacing device. The high grade stainless steel cable wire can slice through dead flesh as easily as a sword through butter. Built just short of indestructible, these mechanical octopi provide an excellent solution for perimeter defense against heavy resistance. The Zombiewacker’s twenty horsepower motor can mow zombies for more than 8 hours continuously, when used with a motion sensors for more efficient use, the Zombiewacker can stand guard for over a week without refuelling.

Yes, The Zombiewacker. Give the gift of death to the undead.

Oh, and I have over 1000 hours logged on call of duty. Bang Bang Mother Fuckers!

The Masked Critic Says:

The zombie apocalypse is a difficult thing to prepare for, the dead could come at night, during the day, or even at dawn (and more often than not, it will be in 3D).

Aside from gathering non-perishable food and as much water has possible, The most important aspect in surviving a zombie attack is having a cool mêlée weapon. Baseball bat, golf club, crow bar, frying pan, chainsaw, broadsword, and a broken pool cue, are all perfectly fine examples for weapons suitable for your survival.

Second, you need to gather a small group of survivors to assist when the number of zombies gets to overwhelming. Each needs to have different short & long range weapons. Don’t waste ammunition with body shots, head shorts are crucial to survival.

You will need a place to hole up. One should avoid heavily populated areas. If the zombies can spread their virus, curse or disease, a densely populated area will be more of a breeding ground than a safe haven. You want an area that affords quick exits and good protection for you and your group of survivors. This safe haven should have a limited number of entrances and exits, all which should be heavy fortified.

Always stay informed. Watch news reports and listen to the radio. In addition to the Emergency Response Message, you should hear information about the spread of the undead, reports of safe areas and suggestions as to what survivors should do. You'll need a radio that can run on batteries and solar power if possible.

Be aware of the fellow survivors in your group – there is always one that has already been bitten and it is just a matter of time before they turn.

When the dead finally rise from the graves, you alone are the only one you can truly depend on you’re your survival. Emotions and stress will run high; you must remain level headed and think about what’s best for you. If Hollywood has taught me anything, during the zombie apocalypse, you WILL be required to shoot your best friend or loved one. You MUST be prepared to commit to this action.

Ultimately, when the living dead are populating the world, I say we just hole up in the Winchester, barricade the door, knock back a few drinks and wait for the whole thing to blow over. How's THAT for a slice of fried gold?

PS. People I want in my survival group:

- Alice (from Resident Evil)

- Shawn (from Shawn of the dead)

- Ash (from Evil Dead)

- Batman (from the comic)

- A Shark (from the ocean)

- Chantale & Angie (from the internet)
YAY!!! Thanks to everyone who played our little game! We'll see you tonight! CIN-OB HUGS ALL AROUND!
So who do you think will survive based on these answers?


JRL said...

The Shark.

The Masked Critic said...

The Masked Critic had the best time of his life last night meeting Chantale and Angie!!! The movie was cool too.

Did any other Cin-Obs attend?