Dear Mickey Rourke...

Dear Mickey,

To be perfectly honest, you only came to my attention for the first time in Enrique's video for Hero. What can I say, I was born in 1986 and was too young to be aware of you during your original time of greatness.

Anyways, great song, great music vid, but I didn't know who you were. You were just the villain. And you made a good villain. No question.

Obviously you came back into the public eye with The Wrestler (2008) which was super fantastic, and you made me cry, which is an amazing accomplishment for an actor with long bleach blond hair and spandex. I respected that performance whole-heartedly. It was brillz. Although you were awesome in Sin City as Marv, awards weren't coming your way.

You then popped up everywhere, and I started seeing that you were a little, how shall I say it… whack. It was almost as if you couldn’t handle your own comeback. You smoked cigarettes on every red carpet, your hair was greasy and weirdly coloured (sometimes with dreads or braids or whatever the hell that was), you couldn’t do anything without sunglasses, you brought your dog everywhere, and then you had a public meltdown over your pooch when he died. Fair enough, I love dogs and I happen to be the proud auntie of a Chihuahua, but come on – waving around a necklace with your dog’s face in it is bound to raise some eyebrows about your mental stability.

You also gave a weird-ass acceptance speech at the Independent Spirit awards that was awesome – but still a little “huh?”

Now, I’m not superficial, but without knowing you in your youth, I still knew there was something wrong with your face. One of my girlfriends adores you, in a sexytime way, and advised me that you were into boxing at one point and mangled up your face, which in turn led to reconstructive surgeries that were slightly botched. I get the feeling this isn’t it. I don’t think any blow to the face would require some of the work it seems you’ve had done. So take it easy. Cuz even with some boxing injuries, you still woulda been hot. Look at Owen Wilson! I’m not saying he’s hot, but he’s made a whole career outta being nose-bent-outta-shape guy.

Again, looks ain’t nothin’ but a thang. I don’t care. You were an awesome (and admittedly sexy) villain in Iron Man 2. I was surprised by how much I liked you. I also happened to catch Diner (1982) on the movie channel, and I was like Oh boy oh boy, Mickey. Not bad at all. When you put your wiener in the popcorn, I LOLd hard.

I just want to say that even though I was introduced to you later in life, I think you’ve got some serious acting chops, and I hope you put them to good use. I also enjoy slight eccentricities and some of the “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, but I hope you scale back your shenanigans, put on a shirt, and play a good, deep, meaningful part that I know you’re capable of doing.

Take care, Mickey.

Love,

Angie

PS – Saw you on Inside the Actors Studio last week. My favourite curse word is also fuck. Just don’t tell my mom.