Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Spy Next Door

Oh boy. Hasn't Jackie Chan realized that he needs to be paired with an American comedic actor to have success? His solo projects are always flops, so you'd think his 'people' would be like "Look Jackie, we need this to be a 'buddy cop' movie if we're gonna make any money." and then Jackie says, "No, I like for movie alone for money and honour," or something like that. Cuz you know his English ain't as great as it sounds in the movies... not like it sounds that good, but you get my point. He rehearses his lines ALOT just to be semi-coherent. Just check out his bloopers.

Anyways, The Spy Next Door, coming January 15, 2010, is about a quiet man who somehow ends up babysitting his neighbour's kids. And when one of them accidentally downloads a secret code, Jackie must fight off some evil intruders and whip out his mad ninja skills. OMG, surprise! Your neighbour is a martial arts genius! Who knew!

We can pretty much guarantee this is how it's gonna go - the kids won't like him, they'll think he's a dork (cuz he is), then they'll all share in some shenanigans, see how kick-ass he really is, start to respect him, then grow a bond with him and come to love him. And he'll love them back. Oh and the kids will help him come out of his shy, bumbling, introverted shell and love the world. Oh and the parents will come home from date night and won't know anything happened. Cat in the Hat style.

You know we're right. Come on Hollywood... give us a real challenge. Also, this has already been done... The Pacifier (2005) starring Vin Diesel in his career-ending, shark-jumping role. (It's a real term... look it up)

We'll also see Billy Ray Cyrus (*eye roll*) and George Lopez as supporting characters. We like you George, don't blow it.

Watch Jackie Chan wear glasses, say things like "That's dope, yo", jump over chairs, slide down tall things, and be a fool in this trailer.

God damnit... I kinda enjoyed the trailer. I always forget how much I love cheese.


Badass Geek said...

Jackie Chan, Billy Ray Cyrus, and George Lopez?

Who put that cast list together?

Angie said...

Hahaha!! Someone who has never seen any of their movies, that's for sure.