Friday, January 27, 2012

What to Expect When Your Hollywood Expectations Are Low... the answer? This Movie.

Hollywood Producer Guy: "Geez, we're really running on fumes here since we tapped out the comic book market! We've even done board game movies in our desperation. What's next for us?"

Guy #2: "I got it, boss! This book has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for 791 years and nobody's made a movie yet!"

Hollywood Producer Guy: "But it's an informational book. There's no story."

Guy: "Your point?..."

Hollywood Producer Guy:"Get the authors on the phone! I have movie rights to buy!"

At least that's how I imagine it went down when this dipshit idea came into being.

When I saw the poster with J-Lo on it I thought it was a cleverly photoshopped joke. A quick google search told me it was sadly a reality. Fo' realio, Jennyfromtheblock? You already did the horrible panned pregnancy flick. A flick that my movie-lovin' sis and I walked out of. Yeah, that's right. We just couldn't make it to the end, a sentiment I'm sure was shared by many cinema patrons.

The latest movies Hollywood is pumping out are shameful, based on anything they can buy the rights to, and What to Expect When You're Expecting (to be released in May) will most likely be another lame-ass multi-storyline POS that boyfriends everywhere will roll their eyes about and be dragged to go see, and girls with small brains will shriek to their friends "Oh my gaawwddd we have to go see that! GIRLS NIGHT!"

Sorry, I don't mean to come across all hostile and shit, but it's true. Check out this jaw-dropping synopsis:

A look at the lives of five couples as they prepare to become parents.[IMDB]

Whoa whoa whoa there, not so much information! You can bet every stereotype will be represented here, from the fertility-treated couple, possibly a lesbian couple, the older couple, the young inexperienced couple, the accidental solo-pregnancy, the "loves being pregnant" Stepford wife, the angry "losing my career" business woman, etc., etc., etc.

Other celebrities who stooped low enough to be a part of this are Anna Kendrick, Cameron Diaz, Elizabeth Banks, Dennis Quaid, Chris Rock, Brooklyn Decker, Megan Mullaly, Chace Crawford, and Mr. Schuester Matthew Morrison.

How do you feel about every single thing that exists in pop culture being made into a film?

More posters featuring other knocked up female celebs after the jump..


The Masked Critic said...

Not that there is much substance within the cast list, but how sad is it that J-Lo gets top billing and is featured on the poster?

PS. There are still a number of comics that can be tapped into for a potentially solid flick, but that's a topic for another entry. Maybe a Masked Critic guest post?! Assuming I ever stop procrastinating. (You know what they say about procrastination? It's like masturbation: Fun at first, then you realize you're just screwing yourself.)

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Hey Masked Critic, dont knock wanking, it happens to be what my entire life revolves around.

Angie said...

MC - shoot us a guest post any ol' time you feel like it! We'll post it in a heartbeat :)

JBH - I don't doubt that at all! lol

DPLblog said...

I had a conversation similar to this while watching Super Bowl commercials: Why does America produce so many terrible digital action films about the end of America? Are we all so scared and depressed?

I supposed the happy, stress-with-a-smile flip side is movies like "What to Expect When You're Expecting?" starring the singer, I mean "actress" we all can relate to: Jennifer Lopez.

jervaise brooke hamster said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
avnish gautam said...

Very nice upcoming Hollywood Movie, and nice poster of girl in brown dress.

JRL said...

All i can say is 'Can't wait to see the trailer"!!!

Tom said...

this movie looks like a piece of crap.