Quotable Quote: Grease

 

"You can't just walk out of a drive-in."

 

~ John Travolta as Danny Zuko in Grease (1978)

Memorable Monologue: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

 

"When I came to, the general back-alley ambience of the suite was so rotten, so incredibly foul. How long had I been lying there? All these signs of violence. What had happened? There was evidence in this room of excessive consumption of almost every type of drug known to civilized man since 1544 AD. What kind of addict would need all these coconut husks and crushed honeydew rinds? Would the presence of junkies account for all these uneaten french fries? These puddles of glazed ketchup on the bureau? Maybe so. But then why all this booze? And these crude pornographic photos smeared with mustard that had dried to a hard yellow crust? These were not the hoofprints of your average God-fearing junky. It was too savage. Too aggressive."

~ Johnny Depp as Raoul Duke in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Tasty Tagline: WALL-E

 

In space, no one can hear you clean...

Tasty Tagline: Mirror Mirror

One Bad Apple.

What to Expect When Your Hollywood Expectations Are Low... the answer? This Movie.

Hollywood Producer Guy: "Geez, we're really running on fumes here since we tapped out the comic book market! We've even done board game movies in our desperation. What's next for us?"

Guy #2: "I got it, boss! This book has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for 791 years and nobody's made a movie yet!"

Hollywood Producer Guy: "But it's an informational book. There's no story."

Guy: "Your point?..."

Hollywood Producer Guy:"Get the authors on the phone! I have movie rights to buy!"

______________________________________

At least that's how I imagine it went down when this dipshit idea came into being.

When I saw the poster with J-Lo on it I thought it was a cleverly photoshopped joke. A quick google search told me it was sadly a reality. Fo' realio, Jennyfromtheblock? You already did the horrible panned pregnancy flick. A flick that my movie-lovin' sis and I walked out of. Yeah, that's right. We just couldn't make it to the end, a sentiment I'm sure was shared by many cinema patrons.

The latest movies Hollywood is pumping out are shameful, based on anything they can buy the rights to, and What to Expect When You're Expecting (to be released in May) will most likely be another lame-ass multi-storyline POS that boyfriends everywhere will roll their eyes about and be dragged to go see, and girls with small brains will shriek to their friends "Oh my gaawwddd we have to go see that! GIRLS NIGHT!"

Sorry, I don't mean to come across all hostile and shit, but it's true. Check out this jaw-dropping synopsis:

A look at the lives of five couples as they prepare to become parents.[IMDB]

Whoa whoa whoa there, not so much information! You can bet every stereotype will be represented here, from the fertility-treated couple, possibly a lesbian couple, the older couple, the young inexperienced couple, the accidental solo-pregnancy, the "loves being pregnant" Stepford wife, the angry "losing my career" business woman, etc., etc., etc.

Other celebrities who stooped low enough to be a part of this are Anna Kendrick, Cameron Diaz, Elizabeth Banks, Dennis Quaid, Chris Rock, Brooklyn Decker, Megan Mullaly, Chace Crawford, and Mr. Schuester Matthew Morrison.

How do you feel about every single thing that exists in pop culture being made into a film?

More posters featuring other knocked up female celebs after the jump..

Delightful Dialogue: Bridesmaids

Megan: I fell off a cruise ship.

Annie: Oh, shit.

Megan: Yeah, oh, shit. Took a hard hard violent fall, kinda pin-balled down hit a lot of railings, broke a lot of shit. I'm not gonna say i survived I'm gonna say I thrived. I met a dolphin down there and I swear to God that dolphin, looked not at me, but into my soul, looked into my Goddamn soul.

~ Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids (2011)

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

It's been a while folks, but I'm here today to tell you about an upcoming flick. After our piece on our favie Casino gems, I thought it appropriate to follow it up with a movie about a Vegas magician! Abracadabra, synopsis-bo-bopsis!

The film follows Las Vegas magician Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell) as he attempts to reunite with his former partner Anton Lovecraft (Steve Buscemi) to take on dangerous street magician Steve Gray (Jim Carrey). Wikipedia

I likey. I likey a lot. Cast members also include James Gandolfini, Olivia Wilde, Brad Garrett, Jay Mohr, Alan Arkin and a rumoured David Copperfield as himself. Awesome. How can this go wrong?

Cha Ching Cha Ching! Casinos on Film!

Angie here!

When you enter a casino do you get that tingly feeling all over? Do the sounds of the slot machines light a fire in your soul that makes you go “ HERE! Take my money for the infinitesimal chance that I might come out richer!” No? Is it just me? Should I go to some “meetings?” Damn, ok.

I probably go to a casino once a year, if that, but I do get my fix from movies (in fact, movies cater to many of my vices that I don’t dare indulge in in the real world), and the occasional online casino. Stop looking at me like that... I have a slight blackjack addiction. Casinos are akin to their own character in many films, being the perfect setting for many plot devices. They set the stage for financial ruin and success, corruption, greed, social status, crime, business, drinking and debauchery, shenanigans, the list goes on.

So which casino flicks have captured my heart? Which have made the best use of casinos for storytelling? I thought you’d never ask.

Jane Austin’s Mafia! (1998)

Let’s start off with a spoof. All y’all Cin-Obs know we love a good parody, and this one encapsulates almost all of the mafia flicks we know and love with a tone of light-hearted mockery and ricidulousness.

This whole movie is not set in a casino, but there is an unforgettable montage involving one that sticks in my memory. Whenever I lose money gambling, I think back to the scene where people put their money on the table and the dealer just goes “no sorry, you lost” and takes it. Or when people just give up and mail their money in. Or the scene in the back room where the employees are sucking up the money with giant vacuums because they just can’t handle the volume of incoming cash.

When things go bad for the owner, there’s also a great scene that should deter you from cheating. And it involves a cattle prod.

Casino (1995)

I know the real movie snobs will want to bash my skull in for placing Mafia! over Casino (1995) but I just had to. When I think of casinos my brain first goes to fun and comedy, then after to dark depressing real-life scary stuff.

This Scorsese flick is renowned for the actors’ performances, and it also epitomizes the concept of the Casino as a character in the film. It’s an inside look on the life of a casino boss, and you can’t help but feel that this is probably fairly accurate. That’s probably because it’s based on real events and real people. Which blows the mind when you think about the violence and corruption taking place. Even though the Sam Rothstein character (played by De Niro) is a total baddie crime guy, you sympathize with him. You want him to do well. You feel sorry that he has to deal with that putz Nicky (Joe Pesci).

Filming took place in the Riviera in Las Vegas, so you’re not looking at a sound stage. Regardless of the drugs, the mob presence, and murder, you can still feel the glitz and glamour that is the casino experience. After all, no matter who’s running the show behind the scenes, a casino still represents the hope of striking it rich. It can happen to anyone. It usually doesn't, but hey - it could happen.

_________________________________

Chantale here, ready to discuss some classic casino movies. I started thinking about all the flicks I love that involve gambling. My list was long, then I realized that it wasn't so much about gambling, but more about the fact that they were set in Vegas. I've had a love affair with Vegas since I was a child. What? Don't all kids dream about Sin City? Stop looking at me weird. I always had a thing for Vegas growing up - perhaps it was bright lights, or the magicians, either way, I loved it and still do.

One of my all-time faves is Ocean's 11 (2001). 

Now please don't judge me when I tell you that I have not actually seen the original 1960 version with some of the greats. I will see it one day, but for now, my heart pitter patters for the remake. Danny Ocean (George Clooney) rounds up his gang of charismatic, multi-talented crooks for the biggest heist any of them have ever seen. Robbing 3 casinos at once is not easy feat and requires 11 skilled criminals. I loved every one of them! We had Linus Caldwell (Matt Damon) - pickpocket extraordinaire, Basher (Don Cheadle) - blower-upper extraordinaire and Saul Bloom (Carl Reiner) - Master of disguise. Honourable mench goes out to Andy Garcia who played Terry Benedict. Well done Andy, you played one very unlikeable arsehole. Such a great flick with a perfect amount of humour sprinkled throughout. SPOILER ALERT - Every time I watch it, I'm so excited and moved that they pull it off in the end. Fuck Benedict.

Another favie of mine is Vegas Vacation (1997). 

Clark Griswold is one effing loveable character I will watch time and time again. Some Cin-Obs may argue that this Vacation flick was a disappointment, but I will have to disagree. I would take Vegas Vacation over European Vacation anyday. I don't care if the Griswold kids change every movie. It don't matter. As long as we have Clark, Helen and cousin Eddie, we're all good.

Where to start? It's an hour and a half of shenanigans in the city that never sleeps. Clark immediately gets the gambling bug and is on a mission to lose all his money from the get go. After losing their life savings, Clark borrows money from cousin Eddie (that they have to dig up all over Eddie's desert property) and they visit the most ridiculous casino eva. Games include 'Pick a Number Between 1 and 10', 'Coin Toss', 'War', 'Rock, Scissors, Paper', and 'Guess Which Hand'. Ahhh classic. We also saw Helen fall for Wayne Newton, and Rusty Griswold (played by Ethan Embry.. swoon) assume his new identity as Nick Papagiorgio. Awesome. This movie, in my mind at least, does not disappoint in the Vacation series. If you haven't seen it, I do recommend.

There are so many great Vegas/casino/gambling movies out there. Are the Cin-Obs surprised by our top picks? Probz not. You know what we like!

Guest Post! Bad Teacher, a Review

Written by Matt of Raging Blog

Recently, there has been a spate of major movies which have failed to completely explain the premise of said movie through their titles. Films like The Green Lantern, for example; for someone unaware of the comic book series, The Green Lantern could be about literally anything, from an eerie horror story to product recall information from B&Q. Thankfully, Columbia have decided enough is enough, and brought us the imaginatively named Bad Teacher.

In Bad Teacher, Cameron Diaz plays Elizabeth Halsey, a (wait for it) bad teacher who finds herself embroiled in an extremely convoluted plot. Her rich fiancé leaves her, forcing her to remain a teacher (and a ‘bad’ one at that). She sets herself the goal of finding another rich man who will ‘take care’ of her, and this goal is quickly achieved upon the arrival of substitute teacher Scott Delacorte (Justin Timberlake). However, she becomes convinced that her repeated failures to snare Scott and thus the future of her dreams are due to her lack of cleavage, therefore meaning she must raise as much money as she can to fund cosmetic surgery.

Often with films which deal initially with unlikeable protagonists, they can become bogged down in a moral quagmire, as the hero undergoes a life-changing transformation over the movie’s duration to reach the end a more endearing, well-rounded, happy human being. Writers Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg generously and thoughtfully avoid the moral high road and make next to no effort at character development whatsoever. Throughout, Elizabeth remains crude, vacuous, superficial, and one whose complete disregard for actually teaching her class goes inexplicably unnoticed and unpunished.

Rather than showing the audience the error of Elizabeth’s ways, Bad Teacher sets out a rather different set of moral guidelines; moral guidelines such as ‘drugging people is fine, as long as you can cover yourself by blackmailing them’ and ‘remember to cause as much harm to others as possible, especially if it advances you towards what you want’. It also takes a fairly dim view of teaching as a profession, showing the five main teachers as being idiotic, spineless, uncaring liars (especially if they try and appear anything other than the scum of the earth than they so obviously are). Elizabeth questions with a co-worker, ‘what went wrong in your life to make you a teacher’, and this is the message of the entire film.

Delightful Dialogue: No Strings Attached

Emma: Congrats? For what, having sex with you?

Adam: You did a good job, so... I thought you deserved a balloon.

~ Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher in No Strings Attached (2011)

Memorable Monologue: Easy A

"I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass?"'

~ Thomas Hayden Church as Mr. Griffith in Easy A (2010)

The Muppets!

This post's for you, Chanty.

We've been talking about this upcoming flick for almost two years now, and it's finally here. Chantale's dream husband, Jason Segel, stars in the newest Muppet movie, and based on the trailer, he seems like a great fit to star alongside these lovable puppets.

With the help of three fans, the Muppets must reunite in order to save their old studio from a greedy oil tycoon. [IMDB]

I also find it endearing that this was Jason's pet project, having always loved the muppets and caught the eye of the Henson team with his Dracula Musical, and ended up cowriting this script. So you KNOW it will be good.

I know the trailer looks like a mush-fest chick-flick, but just wait. Watch until the end.

Are you happy to see the Muppets back on the big screen?

Brilliant Bloopers: Bruce Almighty

Any bloops with Jim Carrey are ok by me. He is an amazing improvisationalist, so even when things go wrong, he finds a way to make it hilarious.

Check out this clip for a Jim Carrey - Morgan Freeman slow dance, a dramatic piano solo, Sasquatch, a yummy dog biscuit + dog attack, and outtakes of Steve Carell's best scene ever "Neeewwwss!!!",

Tantalizing Trivia: Team America

In Team America: World Police (2004), Kim Jong-il takes a stroll through his palace during his famous "I'm so ronery" song. He passes by a bronzed statue of himself, which is actually a real person painted up. You can see him move slightly if you really pay attention.

Take a look and you'll get a good idea of the actual size of the puppets when placed next to a full sized person.

Clever Credits: Let's Go To Prison

This 2006 comedy was largely overlooked, and most people have never heard of it. But this is just another one of those hidden gems that we're always telling people to watch. So WATCH IT, ok? Gawwdd.

Seriously though, it's funny. Kind of a dark comedy, but still hilar. Plus I'll watch anything with Will Arnett.

You know how most movies deliver the end credits in a boring, black-background fashion? Lame. Well some movies give 'em to ya in a more creative, fun way to watch, that actually makes you stay in your theatre seat a little longer, or delay hitting stop on the remote control. This is one of them.

There's a running joke throughout Let's Go To Prison about this particular song, and this seemingly-improv'd scene totally captures my heart... and makes me giggle. Enjoy.

Delightful Dialogue: Knight and Day

June: The pilots are dead?

Roy: Shot.

June: Shot... By who?

Roy: Uh, me. Actually, I shot the first pilot... he shot the second pilot accidentally. It's just... one of those things.

~ Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise in Knight and Day (2010)

Delightful Dialogue: The Heartbreak Kid

Eddie Cantrow: Hey, uh, do you think you could tell me where I could find Uncle Tito?

Tito: Yes. Uh, may I ask who's inquiring?

Eddie Cantrow: Yeah, my name's Eddie Cantrow and I'm a friend of a friend of his. I'm supposed to give him something.

Tito: I'm sorry to tell you this, but he no longer works here. He's actually in jail, serving six to ten years. He was caught having cock-fights. And I'm not speaking about the kind of rooster.

Eddie Cantrow: Oh.

Tito: Screw off! I'm joking, man! C'mon! I am Uncle Tito.
 
~ Ben Stiller and Carlos Mencia in The Heartbreak Kid (2007)

Rogen + Streisand = My Mother's Curse

Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand. Yes, you read that right. These two legends (in their own right) will star together in an upcoming flick called My Mother's Curse:

My Mother's Curse is a 2012 American comedy film directed by Anne Fletcher, written by Dan Fogelman, and starring Barbra Streisand and Seth Rogen. The story is about an inventor (Rogen) who invites his mother (Streisand) on a cross-country trip as he tries to sell his new product while also reuniting her with a lost love. Wikipedia

Who gives a shnoon what this movie is about - isn't everyone now dying to see Seth and Barb together on the screen?! I suppose it's a brilliant pairing... Seth Rogen will attract a younger, hipper generation and Streisand will attract everyone else (ok maybe not everyone, but ya know).

Will mos def be keeping y'all posted as promo material is released!

Love, Wedding, Marriage, Cliché

"A happy newlywed marriage counselor's views on wedded bliss get thrown for a loop when she finds out her parents are getting divorced." [IMDB]

Oh geeez she's a marriage counselor? Way to throw the audience for a loop! How ironic and hilarious! Not.

I think most of the Twilight cast have chosen good roles away from the franchise, but oh Kellan Lutz... I still have my doubts. I mean, don't get me wrong - you're smokin' hot. But that might not be enough to keep your career going strong.

This poster boasts "directed by Dermot Mulroney." I'm not sure that's gonna snag any extra viewers, but it does also star Mandy Moore, James Brolin, and Jane Seymour - who has turned out to be kinda funny in the cougar roles in recent years.

The deep-down truth is that I love rom-coms. Sometimes it takes me a long time to finally sit down and watch one. I'm not rushing to the theatres to see them, but I usually crack a smile and get a little sentimental watching them.

What do you think of these types of movies? Enjoy them? Loathe them?

Delightful Dialogue: Get Him To The Greek

Limo Driver in London: Would you like me to take the Chiswick roundabout through Hounslow and Staines?

Aaron Green: What is this, fucking Middle Earth? Just take us to the airport, okay.

~ Jim Piddock and Jonah Hill in Get Him To The Greek (2010)