Memorable Monologue: Trainspotting

"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?"

~ Ewan McGregor as Mark Renton in Trainspotting (1996)

Memorable Monologue: Pineapple Express

"This is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush I had - and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and fucked - this would the shit that they birthed."

~ James Franco as Saul in Pineapple Express (2008)

Scintillating Scene: Role Models

Jane Lynch is a comedic genius. No doots aboot it.

Here she is in a highly hilarious moment in which she reminices about her drug-filled past. And the guys are totally confused by her. I guess that's one way of intimidating people - mention hard drugs then proceed to make no sense at all. People will think you have a few screws loose.

Regardless, I don't know how Paul Rudd and Stiffler Seann William Scott kept straight faces throughout this bit.

Delightful Dialogue: Pineapple Express

Red: Why don't you follow his lead and just chill out, man?

Dale Denton: I'm chill. I'm chill as a cucumber, man.

Red: You don't seem chill.

Dale Denton: I'm more chill than you.

Red: You're more chill than me?

Dale Denton: Yeah.

Red: Look what I'm wearing. Kimono, dog. What're you wearing?

Dale Denton: A suit.

Red: Yeah, exactly. I don't know what's up with you, but I don't know if I like you.

Dale Denton: Well, I don't know if I like you either, man.

Red: Well, that's your loss 'cause I'm a great friend.

~ Danny McBride and Seth Rogen in Pineapple Express (2008)

Memorable Monologue: Trainspotting

"Relinquishing junk. Stage one, preparation. For this you will need one room which you will not leave. Soothing music. Tomato soup, ten tins of. Mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold. Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of. Magnesia, milk of, one bottle. Paracetamol, mouthwash, vitamins. Mineral water, Lucozade, pornography. One mattress. One bucket for urine, one for feces and one for vomitus. One television and one bottle of Valium, which I've already procured from my mother, who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way also a drug addict. And now I'm ready. All I need is one final hit to soothe the pain while the Valium takes effect."

~ Ewan McGregor as Mark "Rent-boy" Renton in Trainspotting (1996)

Delicious Dinner: Pineapple Express

This is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. It's oh so re-watchable (that doesn't mean much coming from me though...). 

Watch as Dale attempts to save his girlfriend's family from the drug dealers. I just love how committed he is, regardless of the fact that he's stoned out of his tree and knows that he looks like a complete lunatic. Ed Begley Jr. is Amazeballs in this scene. I die laughing every single time.

You are high as a f*cking kite! Ahhhhh... brillz.

Memorable Monologue: 28 Days

"If that will make you happy, I will stop drinking. And then I would tell myself tonight I will not get wasted. And then something would happen. Or nothing would happen. And I'd get that feeling and you all know what that feeling is; when your skin is screaming and your hands are shaking and your stomach feels like it wants to jump through your throat. And you know that if anyone had a clue how wrong it felt to be sober, they wouldn't dream of asking you to stay that way. They would say oh geez, I didn't know. It's okay for you. Do that mound of cocaine. Have a drink. Have 20 drinks. Whatever you need to do to feel like a normal human being, you do it.

And boy I did it. I drank and I snorted. I drank and snorted. I drank and snorted. And I did this day after day, day after day, night after night. I didn't care about the consequences because I knew they couldn't be half as bad as not using. And then one night something happened. I woke up. I woke up on a sidewalk and I had no idea where I was. I couldn't have told you what city I was in. And my head was pounding and I looked down and my shirt is covered in blood. And as I'm lying there wondering what happens next and I heard a voice. And it said man, this is not a way to live. This is a way to die."

~ Steve Buscemi as Cornell in 28 Days (2000)

Tasty Tagline: 54

Welcome to the party.

Quotable Quote: Ray

"This ain't no weed, Ray. And we ain't snorting no bitch. This is boy! Boy'll make your ass null and void."

~ Bokeem Woodbine as Fathead Newman in Ray (2004)

CONTACT - A Short Horror Film Review!

A little while ago we got an email from Jeremiah Kipp, a filmmaker, asking us to have a look at his newest project, a short horror film called Contact.

The 10 minute film has very little dialogue, actually almost none at all. And it doesn't need any. We felt very tense from the start, even though we didn't quite know why.

The film follows a young couple as they acquire some drugs, smoke it on up, enjoy it for a bit, before things go bad for the woman. From what we saw, it can only be described as one hell of a trip-out. At least that's what we assume was happening. While watching her suffer, you'll want to crawl out of your own skin. Talk about Just Say No. Yowza.

After her horrible experience (and her partner's apparent complete disregard for her trauma), the young woman goes home to her parents, we're guessing in an attempt to heal some family wounds and escape from the world of drugs she'd gotten herself into.

The production value was great, and we were really surprised. The silence in this film really gets to you, and makes it very intense. The acting was also great. Everything about the film is understated - the lack of dialogue, the black and white - everything is left up to the viewer, which was what made it a fun experience.

You can watch Contact by CLICKING HERE. Let us know what you think!

Info on Jeremiah Kipp can he found HERE.

Charismatic Character: Mambuza Bongo Guy

You can put your weed in there.

Delightful Dialogue: Up In Smoke

Border Guard: So, how long you've been in Mexico?

Pedro: A week. I mean a day.

Border Guard: Well, which is it? A week or a day?

Pedro: A weekday.

~ Cheech Marin and Joe Creaghe in Up In Smoke (1978)

Just Say No: Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

Whhooooaaa... trippy. Now, I don't like mushrooms (the kind for cooking) so there's no way in hell I'd ever pull one out of the dirty ground and go "mmmm!" Infact, who saw mushrooms for the first time and went "Yeah, this looks edible. Oh it's fungus you say? It grows out of things that are decomposing? Delicious! Nom nom nom!" I just don't get it.

So anyways, watch Jack Black have a terrifying mushroom experience. You see what can happen when you play with drugs, kids? Sasquatch... that's what.

Tasty Tagline: Half Baked

The feel good movie of the year.

Just Say No: Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

In honour of 4/20, we thought a JUST SAY NO segment was in order. Since Harold and Kumar are kinda the go-to guys for gettin' high, smokin' the dope, tokin' the reefer, blazin' the chronic (I googled pot-smoking terms), a scene from this movie was just what we needed.

Let's flash back in time to the days when Kumar really did want to JUST SAY NO. But isn't it just so romantic? Awww...

Tasty Tagline: Pineapple Express

Put this in your pipe and smoke it.

Jeff Who Lives at Home

Ok. Let me just start off by saying... JAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARRY ME?? WE'RE MEANT TO BE!!

Ahem. Excuse me. That was desperate. Just reading it back makes me shiver a little.

The Duplass brothers, who are writing and directing the film, are producing with Jason Reitman via his Right of Way Films. John Malkovich's Mr. Mudd is also producing. The movie chronicles a day in the life of two brothers, one a loser (Segel) who lives at home and the other (Helms) more together but overbearing. ComingSoon.net

From what we understand of this upcoming comedy, we'll most likely be featuring many parts in

our Just Say No segment. Wink Wink. Nod Nod. Nudge Nudge. Chortle Chortle. Wait. What? Did I just say Chortle? I did. ANGIE, why don't you stop me when I say things like that?

Needless to say, we're pumped!! Shizing our pants with glee!!

Jason, if you're reading, I don't really shit my pants (often). It's a metaphor for my love and adoration... for you, of course. Aren't you longing to be with a gal who's not afraid to shit herself for love? Ugh.

AAAAAANGIEEEE!!!

Just Say No: Grandma's Boy

Oooh Dante, you silly pothead, you! Sounds like you've tried some pretty intense herbs! We especially love the moment when they 'play' video games... Ahhh this gem had no shortage of larfs!

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas

Of course they couldn't just leave it alone!

It has been announced (yes it's official) that there will be a third Harold and Kumar film! Although we're excited, we're still very apprehensive.

If they DARE to do the movie without both original actors (and of course some good ol' fashion NPH) we will totally boycott. It can't be Harold and Kumar without Harold and Kumar! And don't think you can throw me some Indian actor and expect me not to notice. The chemistry between John Cho and Kal Penn is unique... and hilar!

The reason I mention the possibility of a recast is because Kal Penn now works for the Obama administration. It's true. Google it. I wouldn't lie. His position is that of Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Liaison. I knooowww! Crazy right?

In real life Penn is very well educated and claims to not be anything like his stoner alter-ego, Kumar. Well that sucks the fun right out of the movies, doesn't it?

As much as I love Christmas movies, I hate when well established franchises do a Christmas film. It always seems like an attempt to cash-in on the season. I would have much preferred to see Harold and Kumar go to Jamaica. EH MON! Nice tropical scenery, readily available pot, and an endless amount of possibilities for shenanigans.

The X-Mas movie is expected to be released on November 5th, 2010. We'll reserve judgment til we at least see a trailer.

Just Say No: 10 Best Stoner Movies

The hilarious gang over at Liquid Generation have given us another amazing compilation. Now, we're not promoting anything at all... seriously. That's why the title of these segments is JUST SAY NO!

*sniff sniff* What's that smell?? Chantale put that away, I'm trying to be a role model here!