Vampires are soooo in right now. Or are they on the way out? Whatevs. Either way, I'm gonna tell you about an upcoming vamp flick I just came across.
A young woman discovers her private school houses a vampire sect. IMDB
Not much to go on here, but really, that's probably all we need to get the picture. Young woman, school, vampires, CHECK! Oooh ooooh I wonder if she'll meet a totally cute guy and then find out he's got a super dark, secret that we sooo won't be able to guess until like 20 minutes in when she follows him down a dark hallway into a secret chamber where a clan is sucking schoolgirls dry?!
Sucking schoolgirls dry... That really doesn't sound good.
The movie will star Abigail Breslin, and Maggie Gyllenhaal who is waaay cool in our books. Will she be a teacher/guidance counsellor? A vampire? Perhaps both?
Oh my oh my oh my... Breaking Dawn is almost here!
Although the last book, in my opinion, was rushed, ridiculous, lazy, and downright disgusting and offensive to young girls, I'm super duper anxious to see how it translates into film. Without any spoilers for those who haven't read the book, I'll just say there were a few gruesome and graphic scenes that I can't quite imagine being played out visually. The movies have been pretty light and PG, but Breaking Dawn (if true to the book) will push the teen-friendly franchise into some racy and nasty territory, including teen marriage and pregnancy, violent sex, and mutant babies. Awwwww yyeaaaahh!!
Anyways, why am I avoiding spoilers? This teaser trailer pretty much tells you everything you need to know. Actually, thinking about it, I bet they'll cut off part 1 right at the gruesome shit and save it for part 2. Yep, that's what they'll do.
The Quileute and the Volturi close in on expecting parents Edward and Bella, whose unborn child poses different threats to the wolf pack and vampire coven.
We all know how hot monsters are nowadays. Vampires, werewolves, witches, warlocks, and so on and so on. This upcoming gothic flick caught my attention for a couple reasons:
1. Tim Burton. That is all.
2. I heart monsters... especially monsters with 6-packs.
We know Tim employs an array of peeps for nearly all his films, so it's no surprise that Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter will both star. Also appearing is Jackie Earle Haley and Michelle Pfeiffer. Oh happy day!
Good cast, we're down with the Burtster. All haters can take a moment now to bend over, gently put your head between your legs and munch your own assholes. Ok, that was hateful, but seriously, go munch a log.
Dark Shadows is a gothic soap opera that originally aired weekdays on the ABC television network, from June 27, 1966 to April 2, 1971. The show was created by Dan Curtis, who tells of a dream he had in which a girl takes a long train ride to visit a large mansion. The story 'bible', which was written by Art Wallace, does not mention any supernatural elements. It was unprecedented in daytime television when ghosts were introduced about six months after it began.
The series became hugely popular when, a year into its run, vampire Barnabas Collins (played by Jonathan Frid) appeared. Dark Shadows also featured werewolves, ghosts, zombies, man-made monsters, witches, warlocks, time travel (both into the past and into the future), and a parallel universe. A small company of actors each played many roles; as actors came and went, some characters were played by more than one actor.Wikipedia
Here's a taste of the original show - it's amazeballs, you'll see!
Oh my God, on the count of three, let's all crap our pants in unison! Just kidding. Sort of.
Here's the first image to be released from part 1 of Breaking Dawn. Ohhhh sexy! Spoiler - Edward and Bella DO IT. She ends up black and blue from the violent sex, but isn't that the romance we wanna be teaching our young girls? *swoon* Nothing says I love you like a controlling monster.
Oh God, how I love watching actors who are now a "big deal" when they were just desperate wannabes.
Here we have Gerard Butler, pre-300, complete with wig and guyliner, auditioning for Dracula.
I must say, what I enjoy most about this clip is the miming. I enjoy watching G-But rip things apart that aren't there, and hold props that don't exist. Makes it all seen so "high school play."
Ok, so Chantale saved this title in drafts, but I'm stealing it from her because I agree with it.
The internet is buzzin' about the new Buffy movie, and we're anti-excitey. Don't touch it! Mostly we're pissy-wissy because the filmmakers are just jumpin' on the recent vampwagon.
It's still in development at this point, but Joss Whedon is on board. At least this revamp (get it?) has that going for it.
Who would you like to see play the Buff? I'm sure they'll choose some hot blonde young starlet who looks good in a tank top. OR my guess is they could also go in a different direction, and instead of making her a bimbo, make Buffy into a brooding sarcastic brunette or something, Ã la Zooey Deschanel.
What do you guys think of this remake? Should they remake entirely, or make this a continuation/sequel? Maybe Buffy had a babyslayer and is now training her to carry on the legacy? I should get paid for this.
________________________________________
UPDATE: Mr. Mike D of Cultural Compulsive Disorder sent us an article from Slash Film which informs us that Jossy is NOT in fact involved. Does this change anyone's outlook on the upcoming flick? Read the article here!
Paul Bettany's new sci-fi religious vigilante vampire action flick (not something I thought I'd ever say) entitled Priest, is coming soon, and the trailer has been released! That poster says 2010 but the internet says May 2011 for the United States release.
God, Vamps are so hot right now, even Mr. British Period Film Take Me Seriously is jumpin' on the bandwagon. He looks intense, and I pretty much love him in anything he does, so this is ok with me. Plus, these vamps look like scary mofos, which I know will satisfy some movie-goers who are sick of the sexy ones.
The sci-fi looks like it will satisfy the nerd in me, and also Paul is super sexy. Is that weird? Any ladies agree with me? If not, watch this trailer and check out his smokin' hot body under that monk robe and tell me he doesn't make you tingle.
I think this might be the first time we're showing you an Exceptional Escape where it's the bad guy escaping. Or in this case, the bad girl. Damn you Victoria... don't mess with the Cullens or you'll get burned. Or torn into pieces, whatever. This was the first time in the series that the vamps' speed was portrayed properly. The other times it just looked stupid. This time they actually look hardcore fast and superhuman... haters shut up.
Watch the Cullen clan chase firecrotch Victoria through the ravine and the forrest, and spoiler - she gets away. This time, Vic. Only this time.
Ooooh la la! Here's a scrumptious treat for all you Cin-Obs who enjoy non-sparkly vamp flicks. Although we love us the lighter, cheezwhizy kind of movies like Twilight (2008), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), and Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), we also enjoy the darker, more hardcore vampire movies, like 40 Days of Night (2007), and Blade (1998).
Here's the dry, but super enticing synopsis for y'all:
A post-apocalyptic sci-fi thriller, is set in an alternate world -- one ravaged by centuries of war between man and vampires. The story revolves around a legendary Warrior Priest (Paul Bettany) from the last Vampire War who now lives in obscurity among the other downtrodden human inhabitants in walled-in dystopian cities ruled by the Church. When his niece (Lily Collins) is abducted by a murderous pack of vampires, Priest breaks his sacred vows to venture out on a quest to find her before they turn her into one of them. He is joined on his crusade by his niece's boyfriend (Cam Gigandet), a trigger-fingered young wasteland sheriff, and a former Warrior Priestess (Maggie Q) who possesses otherworldly fighting skills.IMDB
Needless to say, we're in. Post-apocalyptic? Vamps? Suweeeeet! We're sure it'll be action-packed with some seriously debatable religious/moral themes. It's too soon for trailers, but we did find a little featurette of sorts from Entertainment Tonight Canada. Now please disregard the uber-magooness that is Rick Campanelli, and listen to Bettany talk about this upcoming 3D vamp-battling-sure-to-be-hit!
Anyone else ready for a non-Twilight romp with some seriously dangerous vamps?
Ok, so I'm cheating a little with this one. The tension between Edward and Jacob is palpable! It's an almost fight, but still qualifies since the ongoing cause of their rivalry is emotional. They're fighting with their hearts... and their puffed up chests.
It was only a matter of time before the vamp craze was spoofed! And we're jazzed! We love Twilight and all things vampire, but we're also good sports and love to see those things totally made fun of!
Coming in August of this year is Vampire's Suck, starring nobody I recognize except Ken Jeong, which looks hilarious. I also love their take on the "pale black vampire." Check out the trailer to see what the hell I'm talking about.
My only issue, as I've said before, is the nonsensical addition of random pop-culture references, ie Lady Gaga. WHY OH WHY? We're spoofing vamps, not everything random that's currently happening in society. Pure stupidity.
But either way, we'll give this movie a chance. And finally all you Twilight haters will have something you can enjoy and take your rage out on. But then you'll be pissed when you realize that all the chicks dig the spoof versions of Edward, Jacob, and James - because deal with it - they're still hot in this movie. YOU JUST CAN'T WIN!
Also, let's address the haters' argument about older women oggling these young guys. Let me just remind you men - you've been doing that forever in films. Olsen Twins, anyone?
"Alice. You've disappeared. Like everything else. Now who else can I talk to? I'm lost. When you left, and he left, you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But In a way, I'm glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real. That you all were."
~ Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan in New Moon (2009)
SWOOOOOON!!!! OMG the little bowl-headed boy is actually sparkly vampire hottie-pants, Robert Pattinson! I guess he let his hair get a little out of control as the years passed. But that's ok.
We can't believe it!! Where are all the Twilight fans?! So it seems we don't have a Cin-Ob Supremethis week... bummer. Angie - what do we do? Ok, I know. The first Cin-Ob to tell us Rob's b-day gets the prize. Google folks. Let's have it!
Geez, it seems like no matter what character Milla Jovovich is playing, I wanna be her. Killing zombies... check. A supreme being... check. A vampire who's an ultra-deadly killing machine... check.
Mmmmmmm. No pulse, pale, thirsty for blood and out for a kill. Wait. Why is that so sexy? These ain't no pouffy shirt, bell sleeved, ruffled lace vamps. Brad and Tom look like pansies next to these two savage monsters. Yummm.
Posts
